you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
