so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
