he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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