hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
