My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
