He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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