Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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