I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
