working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
