Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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