you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
