there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
