I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
