Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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