You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
your like the ambassador to my penis.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
