I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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