YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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