So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
