I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize