drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize