What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize