remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I supernannyed him into submission
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
