The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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