My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
