I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
