I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
