May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
