Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
