ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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