bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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