Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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