you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize