I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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