you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
