I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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