it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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