she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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