rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
