I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
