Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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