my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
