...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I died a long time ago.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
