exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i've created a new STD.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
