you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
