4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
