Soap is not a condiment
it wasn't lemon gatorade
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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