at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
