good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
