cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
