just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
