why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize