Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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