Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
