The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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