I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
