Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
