Do you still have your period?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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