I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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