Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
