It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
