I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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