My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
