What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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