I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
