is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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